Numero Uno

so, apparently blogging is all the rage, and in an attempt to be part of the in-crowd, i have decided to give it a try. really, though, i am more interested in the idea of having a place to record my thoughts (and maybe a motivation to have more of them), and to have an outlet for my more introspective side (read: occasionally moody, usually self conscious.) i also wanted to have a way to record the days and to try to remember what is happening before it blows right by me.

after each of my childrens' births, i have had a sort of identity crisis, where i convinced myself that i needed to *do* some grand thing (each thing less lofty than the first.) i think that somehow i must have thought that these ideas would be an answer for the momentary panic i feel when faced with the reality of a new human being whose entire existence is immediately dependent entirely on me. with nicholas, the idea was that i was going to go to grad school and get a master's degree. with daniel, i was seized with a sudden and intense need to learn spanish. when jonathan was born this last june, our lives were too chaotic at the time (new baby, moving, 2 week trip to california) for me to focus on anything, much less my often-irrational thoughts, so i think that the self-improvement response has been slowed....

but, now things are settling down, and maybe learning about blogging will be my new 'improvement', the thing that i simply must do in the face of this new responsibility. i hope that i will be able to get past the feeling that in order to do this, i need to be witty or eloquent, because that will really slow me down. really what i want is a chance to give shape to my thoughts, and to record moments that rise above the mundane so that i can remember them when the view of the laundry pile makes me feel moody and small.

we'll see if the longevity of this project fares any better than that of the previous two....